I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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