I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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