You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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