he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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