There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
