Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.