i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
