You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
