this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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