I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
pray to the hookup gods
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
