Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
