Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
