weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Randomize
