I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
