Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
