I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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