I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
