Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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