the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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