was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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