Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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