When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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