so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
