So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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