So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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