yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
