the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
