Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
