White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
