AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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