Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
