Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
