so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
