i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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