I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
