I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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