Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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