Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
