I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
