Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
