I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
