omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize