tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize