Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
