Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
