Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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