Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
