I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
