marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's the barista slut.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
