Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
