Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
