do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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