how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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