We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
