Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The air was thick with penises
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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