shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
