Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
