this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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