Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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